What would CJS Do For a Klondike Bar?
by Megan Sleevewillow
Summary: Indeed, what would he do for a Klondike Bar?


A/N: ……Iso rock.

Disclaimer: I do not own POTC or Klondike Bars.

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The sight that Gibbs surveyed walking into Jack's cabin caught him off guard. He was entering the cabin to see if the captain was ill, and while he was prepared for the strong smell of alcohol at least, what he observed shocked him. Instead of rum bottles littering the floor, pieces of paper with square objects scribbled on them were in its place. There was also a tub of water, and inside it were several rum bottles. The rum bottles had strings attached to them, which led to an old ship's wheel. Jack was huddled in a corner, unshaven, unkempt….So, in his natural state, one would say.

"Captain…What the bleedin' hell happened?" Gibbs asked, walking towards him.

"**Klondike**** bars**." Jack said simply, looking up. "I need **Klondike**** bars**."

"Pardon, but what are **Klondike**** bars**?" Gibbs asked.

Jack stood up in one fluid motion. "I don't actually know. But, it came to me in a dream, savvy?"  
Gibbs nodded slowly and began backing up towards the door.

"See, in me dream, I was at this huge feast, and Barbossa was there, an' Bootstrap an'—an'…" He snapped his fingers a few times and then pointed, "The Eunuch! An' we were all 'avin' these square little things, and the Eunuch called them **Klondike**** bars**." An expression came over his face of utter contentment. "Mr. Gibbs, they were the most satisfyin' delicacy in all the land. I ate so many—Me jacket popped off. And then—" He began to tear up, "They took me **Klondike**** bars** away!" Tears began streaming down his face. Gibbs walked forward and hesitantly put an arm around his captain.

"Perhaps 'twas for the best?" Gibbs suggested.

"No!" Jack objected! "No! 'Twasn't! And I found a way to get me **Klondike**** bars**! I give ye me time machine!" He stood in front of the tub/rum bottles/ship wheel and threw his arms open.

Gibbs was seriously considering running out of the cabin screaming at that point. "Captain, maybe ye should sleep a bit, I'll tell the crew yer sick." Gibbs turned to leave, but Jack grabbed him by the shoulder.

"No! You have to help me with this!" Jack pulled a chair from his table and sat Gibbs (who was beginning to sweat) next to the contraption. "All ye need to do, Mr. Gibbs, is turn the wheel. Keep turnin' it, I figure, and wherever I decide to go, I think I'll get there. And when I get me sweet, delicious, succulent **Klondike bars**, I'll decide to come back." He pulled a rope from nearby and tied one end around his wrist, and the other around Gibbs wrist. "I'll yank this when I'm ready, and ye turn the wheel the other way, savvy?"

"No way in hell." Gibbs squeaked.

"C'mon, man! I'll give ye some of me **Klondike**** bars**!" Jack clapped his friend on the back before entering the tub full of water.

Gibbs reluctantly began turning the wheel. Jack gave him the thumbs up as rum bottles whirled around him, faster and faster…

There was a white flash, and Jack was gone.

Things whirled past Jack in a blur. He waited for about thirty seconds before stepping out. He was on a small dingy off of an island…Jack looked at his time machine, sitting in between the benches. The rope connected to nothing, and appeared to be floating in mid-air. He untied the rope from his wrist and tied it to one of the bars. "Thanks mate!" Leaning forward, he kissed the time machine before diving into the water.

When he reached shore, he saw no evidence whatsoever of any civilization. "**Klondike**** bars**…..**Klondike**** bars**! Come to Jack! Come to—" Jack stepped in something rather squishy. He looked down and saw that he had stepped in a large pile of monkey dung.

"Aww! Aw, aw!" Jack groaned, beginning to wipe his boots off. "Stupid monkeys…Ruining me hunt for **Klondike**** bars**!" He heard a squeak behind him and turned around to see a monkey hanging down in front of him. Hesitantly, Jack looked up….And saw dozens of monkeys staring down at him.

"I take it back, I take back what I said about ye flea-ridden, filthy creatures being—"

The monkey in front of him jumped at his face, and with a shout, Jack fell backwards, right into the pile of monkey poo. Jack pried the monkey from his face, stood, and began running for his dear life as all of the monkeys pursued him.

"AHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME YE DAMN DIRTY APES! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jack stooped to pick up several fairly sized rocks, throwing them at the pursuing monkeys. One of them hit the leader, and Jack was still running, his attention diverted behind him---

When he ran off a cliff.

"YE DAMN DIRTY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPES!" Was the last thing that echoed before he hit a raging river with a violent splash. Jack sunk to the bottom before kicking to the surface of the boiling river. He looked up to the cliff, where he saw small brown shapes looking down. "I'LL GET YE FOR THIS! Not in this life, BUT IN MINE! YOUR ANCESTORS WILL PAAAAAAAAAAAY FOR DIVERTING ME FROM **KLONDIKE BARS**! PAY, YE HEAR!" Jack was swept out of sight of the cliff, and eventually, came to a bend where several people in barely any clothing at all, and with huge metal machines, was cooking over a fire pit. Jack stopped himself and trudged out of the river onto the bank. The three men and five girls stopped and stared as he wrung out his hair, emptied his boots, and checked his pistol.

"G'day." He said, tipping his hat. His eyes went over the bodies of the bikini-clad women. "I was wondering…D'ye know where I can get **Klondike Bars**?"

"**Klondike**** bars**?" One of the men asked.

"Yes, **Klondike**** bars**. I'll-I'll give all me doubloons for some sweet, succulent **Klondike**** bars**."

"We have about five boxes in our ice chest." One of the girls said, rising from where she was sunbathing and crossing to the ice chest. She pulled out several silver boxes with the words **Klondike Bars** and a polar bear adorning them from the ice chest.

Jack felt like sobbing for joy. He pulled out a large pouch and handed it to the woman, and she handed him five boxes of **Klondike Bars**. Jack kissed each box. "Oh, my beloved **Klondike**** bars**…I have found you at last."

"Do you wanna stay?" The girl asked, grinning coyly. "Maybe, spend the night?"

Jack shook his head. "No. Me **Klondike Bars** and I need to get somewhere…Alone…." He clutched the boxes to him like a mother holding her babies. He turned to one of the men. "D'ye know how I can get to the coast?"

"Yeah, just follow this river." The man said, inching away from Jack.

Jack followed the river to where it emptied into the sea. His small dingy and time machine was floating nearby. Holding the **Klondike**** Bars** over his head (and almost drowning in the process), Jack made it to the ship. He gently put the **Klondike Bars** in first, and then pulled himself in. He picked up the boxes of **Klondike Bars** after tying the rope back onto his wrist, stepped into the time machine, and pulled on the rope. The rum bottles started whirling the opposite direction, and with a flash, Jack was back on the Black Pearl.

"Ye made it captain!" Gibbs exclaimed, taking his hands off the wheel.

"O' course; I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! And, I got me sweet, delicious, delectable, tantalizing…." He stretched out the next two words very slowly, "**Klondike**** bars!**"

"That's excellent, cap." Gibbs said.

"Well, here's your booty." Jack took out a tin-foil wrapped **Klondike Bar** and split it in two. "I'll give you the bigger half." He handed Gibbs the larger half of the **Klondike Bar** before opening the door, shoving Gibbs out, and locking the door behind him. On reflection, he pushed a table and chest against the door as well.

Jack then sank onto his bed and unwrapped the other half of the **Klondike Bar**. He took a bite, and as he did, a pleasureful shout echoed from his cabin to every square inch of the ship.

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A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this! This is just a one chapter fic, so thanks for reading it!


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